New Year’s Day is my favorite holiday. I love writing down goals. Surprisingly, my husband doesn’t think it’s cute when I make resolutions for him. Instead, I’ll offer some suggestions for children. These are resolutions I like from the American Academy of Pediatrics:
Preschoolers • I will brush my teeth twice a day and wash my hands after going to the bathroom and before eating.
5- to 12-years-old • I will drink milk and water and limit soda and fruit drinks. • I will find a sport or an activity (like playing tag, jumping rope, dancing or riding my bike) that I like and do it at least three times a week. • I’ll be friendly to other kids. I’ll be nice to kids who need friends – like someone who is shy or is new to my school. • I’ll never give out personal information such as my name, home address, school name or telephone number on the Internet. Also, I’ll never send a picture of myself to someone I chat with on the computer without my parents’ permission.
Teens • I will eat at least one fruit and one vegetable every day, and I will limit the amount of soda I drink. • I will take care of my body through physical activity at least three times a week. • I will wipe negative self-talk (“I can’t do it” or “I’m so dumb”) out of my vocabulary. • When I feel angry or stressed, I will take a break and find constructive ways to deal with the stress, such as exercising, writing in a journal or discussing my problem with a parent or friend. • I will resist pressure to try drugs and alcohol.
A 3-month-old baby lies on a fuzzy green blanket with 24 elementary school students watching her every move.
“She’s just learning to roll over,” says Michelle, baby Elsa’s mom (who did not want her last name used). “Maybe she’ll do it for you.” As if on cue, Elsa struggles and then rolls onto her tummy. Students clap for her.
Each adorable baby babble is punctuated by “ooos and ahhhs” from the 11- to 12-year-olds in Ms. Nani Castor-Peck’s fifth grade class at John Stanford International School in Seattle. When Elsa gets fussy, her mother sings a song to calm her down, and one student comments, “Oh, that’s sweet. She likes that.”
Little Elsa has a big job. Her mother is a volunteer for a program called “Roots of Empathy,” and she’s teaching students about the ability to identify with another person’s feelings. Can anyone ¬– let alone a baby – teach empathy?
Mary Gordon looked for an answer to that question for many years, beginning when she was a school teacher in Toronto, Canada. Later she worked with domestic violence victims and children who suffered from severe abuse or neglect. The common denominator in all the situations she dealt with was “an absence of empathy,” she says.
“Nobody wakes up and decides to be a bad parent on any particular day, but if you haven’t been parented well, it’s very difficult to know how to handle things,” says Gordon. “And if you’re living with domestic violence, it’s very difficult to erase bad memories and improve your situation.”
Gordon’s research over the years led her to create Roots of Empathy. Widespread in Canadian schools, the program has the goal of breaking inter-generational cycles of violence and poor parenting. She says the program reduces aggression or bullying and builds empathy among children between the ages of 3 and 14.
Here’s how it works: A 3- to 6-month-old baby and mother visit a classroom at least once a month. Students aren’t allowed to touch the baby, only observe the infant’s moods and behaviors. They watch how the mother responds to the baby’s fussing or laughter. A Roots of Empathy instructor leads the kids in a discussion about their own feelings. After seeing a baby cry, for example, the instructor might ask, “When was the last time you cried, and did anyone do something to make you feel better?”
Gordon says if children understand and respect a baby’s feelings then “nine times out of ten they won’t bully another child.”
“The big leap between bullying and empathy is helping children understand how the other person feels. Bullies don’t get it; they don’t care and they don’t know how the other child feels,” she says.
The University of British Columbia has tracked the program since it started in 2000. According to their studies – comparing children before and after they’ve been through the program – there is a notable increase in emotional knowledge, social understanding and positive social behavior with peers. Aggression and bullying behaviors decrease.
Local philanthropists John and Nancy Sabol and Dan Kranzler are funding Roots of Empathy in the Seattle area. Seattle and Kent School Districts are the first in the United States to implement the program with classes at John Stanford International, Dearborn Park, Sacajawea and West Seattle Elementary Schools in Seattle and Emerald Park Elementary School in Kent. Westside School, a private preschool-fifth grade school in West Seattle, is also participating.
Roots of Empathy is in 10 classrooms this school year. There are plans to expand it to 20 classrooms for the 2008-2009 school year and 30 classrooms the year after that.
“Schools, next to family, are the most defining institution in a child’s life,” says Gordon. “We have a chance through public education to raise the level of compassion for all kids. It’s building a better world, child by child.”
