Seattle Moms Pen New Guidebook for Traveling with Kids
By Seattle's Child
In their new book, Wanderlust and Lipstick: Traveling with Kids, (Dispatch Travels, 2009, $15.95), local moms and travel writers Leslie Forsberg and Michelle Duffy offer up practical pointers that will help you pull off a fabulous family adventure. They cover the basics with chapters on topics like pre-trip planning, packing and health and safety. They dig deeper by suggesting ways get kids excited about the prospect of exploring a new culture, such as trying some of the new foods you’ll find at your destination before you leave home, learning a bit of the language or writing a pen pal.
The book is full of quick bits of advice – how to rent a car seat, managing layovers, budgeting tips, and some golden rules for traveling with teens. And in addition to the words of wisdom they offer from each of their extensive travel experiences, they share the stories various other parents have told them over the years.
They spell out some of the key considerations parents have to factor in when traveling with children of various ages. And they do it with a strong focus on the practical stuff – noting Web sites that will ship formula to your destination if you’re going somewhere that might not carry it in grocery stores; cautioning that overseas diaper brands are often less absorbent than the ones sold in the U.S., so you’ll need to change your little one more often to avoid rashes; suggesting that you “export some habits from home” to help make school-age children comfortable and set ground rules if your teen wants to go out on a date with someone he or she meets during your trip.
But what if your child simply can’t get on board with the idea of the vacation you want to take? In an excerpt from the book’s fourth chapter, Leslie Forsberg suggests ways to deal with The Reluctant Child:.
The Reluctant Child
For most children, travel is an adventure waiting to happen. They are eager participants in the planning stages and are enthusiastic companions. Yet some kids aren’t keen; they’re simply more comfortable at home, and they just don’t see the reason to go anyplace else. A homebody may repel all suggestions, lag behind when everyone else is climbing into the car, and make it clear that he would rather be back at the ranch.
For some children, however, travel goes beyond the inconvenience and dissatisfaction of having to sleep in a different bed to outright anxiety. While some kids outgrow this phase once post-toddlerhood, for others it is just a part of their personality: Change is hard for them. As a parent you already know which category your child fits into.
On their Southwest road trip, it seemed to Liz that her daughter, Nell, was dealing with lots of issues, so she asked her, “What do you worry about?” It was as if floodgates had been opened. “Mom, I worry that our wet shoes won’t dry, and we won’t have shoes. I’m afraid that a wind will blow our tent away, and we won’t have a place to sleep. Or my bear will get blown away, and I won’t have him anymore.”
“I asked her, ‘What do you think we could do if there was a bad rainstorm right now – if it was very windy, and we didn’t think our tent was secure?’ We discussed our options, from tying down the tent to getting into the car and finding a hotel. It was the start of some very powerful conversations,” Liz says, “with the theme: If you don’t like your circumstances, you have the power to create different circumstances.”
Liz was able to turn a difficult trip into a positive for her child, because she paid attention to her needs. It’s a good idea before traveling with a reluctant child to get him to buy in on trip plans. Forcing a fearful kid to go on a family trip will accomplish a temporary aim, but will most likely increase his reluctance in the future and will not create a bonding experience. It may create a nightmarish trip for the rest of the family.
Speaking from an evolutionary standpoint, there were important reasons for children to be reluctant about traveling. Those who stayed closer to home, and were cautious and alert undoubtedly survived in greater numbers. Yet today we want to explore the world with our children, and we want them to have fun. If you have a child who frequently exhibits anxious behavior, please know that you don’t have to limit your trips to visits with relatives or nearby attractions.
Reluctance often equates to fear of the unknown. Choose a quiet time, perhaps while driving in the car or when tucking your child into bed, to gently question him about what he thinks the trip will be like. You may be able to find out about any misinterpretations and address them.
It’s very important with children who are not eager starters to introduce them to the idea of travel in a gentle way. … Involving your child in the planning will help. But sometimes just the very idea of leaving home is stressful for a child. This is especially true of those who are overwhelmed by sensory stimulation. One of the best books I’ve read about this is The Highly Sensitive Child: Helping Our Children Thrive When the World Overwhelms Them, by Elaine Aron.
Aron, a clinical and research psychologist, notes that this is a personality trait shared by fifteen to twenty percent of the population. Aron finds highly sensitive children (and adults) to be empathetic, smart, intuitive, careful, and conscientious. Yet they are easily overwhelmed by stimulation and require parental supervision to help them learn to stay within their optimal level of arousal and prevent stress-related illnesses. Sometimes extracurricular activities need to be reduced for these children. Aron says that you can think of a sensitive person as having a certain quota of energy for dealing with stimulation, and when you pass that point, you’ll have trouble.
Sensitive children need, when possible, to be kept away from loud noises (such as amplified concerts), bright lights, and crowds. Instead, choose quieter spaces at the periphery of tourist centers, and plan to allow plenty of down time for your child to step off the trip treadmill to enjoy peaceful activities. You will undoubtedly find that doing so increases the whole family’s enjoyment.
My highly sensitive child wanted to attend a musical at Universal Studios in California. I was concerned because I knew that loud noises are physically painful for her, and at most public events these days, they have the loudspeaker system turned up so high that it can cause ringing in the ears afterward. I purchased earplugs in advance, and she sat through the entire performance with a big smile on her face; the earplugs blocked just enough sound to make it enjoyable for her, and she actually heard every word.
Once you have accumulated a few good travel experiences to call upon, be sure to remind your child of the good times he had on the trip, to build the case for future travel. Each time it will get easier. Most of the time, as children grow older, they become more accustomed to new experiences and gradually lose their reluctance.
Leslie Forsberg is a with her widely published travel writer who also is the editor of Wanderlust and Lipstick: The Essential Guide for Women Traveling Solo. She travels frequently through the U.S., Canada and Europe with her husband and daughter.
Her co-author, Michelle Duffy, is a native of Ireland who lives in Seattle with her husband and two sons. She writes about her regular world travels on the WanderMom travel blog, www.WanderMom.com.
