Hear the words "parenting class" and this image is likely to come to mind: a circle of expectant mothers sitting cross-legged in the arms of their partners, breathing and counting. But hear the words "grandparenting class" – two words likely to be mentioned more often as the concept becomes popular – and most people don't know what to expect.
Those entering the Grandparenting Class at Swedish Medical Center in Seattle can expect to find a circle of tables on which sit extraordinarily realistic looking baby dolls, a stack of informational hand-outs, a handful of pens in a coffee mug shaped like a woman's pregnant belly and the welcoming smile of instructor Rosalys Peel.
When Peel introduces herself, she lists the battery of credentials behind her name: RN (Registered Nurse), LCCE (Lamaze Certified Childhood Educator), CGE (Certified Gottman Educator) and the credential she is most proud of, GP. Grandparent.
She opens every class with two questions. First, why did those present decide to take the class?
"I was…kindly commandeered," admits the first student during a recent session of the class, which Swedish offers twice a month.
Another says he was ‘drafted' by his daughter-in-law; yet another holds up the information packet he took from the stack and says honestly: "I came to get this, so I could prove I was here."
Peel knows how these students feel.
"It feels funny to get sent to a class. You raised your own kids, right?"
But, she says, the truth is parents today have information that was not available when most of the people sitting in the circle before her were raising their children. New child safety issues have come to light, new practices in childbirth and new technology. All of this has made welcoming a newborn into the world a whole new ball game for both parents and grandparents.
"Your children have read all the books, taken all the classes," Peel explains. "They're so informed and so excited. They simply want to share this information with you."
The information Peel presents includes all manner of changes in child rearing, from "warm and fuzzy" changes like the expectation of increased involvement from dads in the care of newborns to more practical safety issues like knowing the proper width of the bars on a crib, and that babies should only be placed on their backs to sleep to prevent Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS).
One soon-to-be grandmother says she's in Peel's class because she failed her expectant daughter's pop quiz last fall when she said that babies should be rotated from back to side to tummy when put down to rest.
"Next thing you know, I found the registration to the grandparenting class in my stocking on Christmas morning," she laughs. "A baby sleeps on its back these days. No bumpers, no blankets in the crib. A lot of things like that have changed since I had my baby girl thirty years ago."
Peel's second opening question is about personal experience. What did the role of grandparent mean to each of them when they were children?
As soon as she asks the question it is clear to them why these students have taken the time, three hours on a Tuesday afternoon, to attend this class. A list starts coming together. Grandparents should offer support, a sense of continuity, a role model for values. One student points out that a grandparent has the chance to play a significant role in the baby's life.
"Not just when they're babies. Throughout adolescence," another spoke up. "A grandparent can be a real sounding board for a child who has had that extra support in his or her life all along."
The course places a heavy emphasis on understanding and respecting the wishes of the expectant parents, including how they wish to proceed with the delivery, who they want nearby when the baby is born, how grandparents can support the new family while maintaining respect for Mom, Dad and Baby as a unit. Emphasizing respect and family alone-time is not just for the sanity of the new parents, but also for the bond that must form with their baby, particularly in the first 90 minutes after birth when the infant is in a highly alert stage. The first days of newborn life, and especially the first few hours of life, are also when the hormone oxytocin (also known as the "love" or bonding hormone) is at its highest in both moms and babies. Too much well-meaning baby handling by grandparents and others eager to help the new family and celebrate their new arrival can diminish this potent window of new parent-baby connection.
A snippet of irresistible DVD footage illustrates to the grandparents-to-be that smiles once assumed to be a baby passing gas, might actually be infants mimicking their mothers' faces. At that, even the most reticent of attendees feel their hearts warming. And when it comes time to learn how to swaddle their ‘babies,' one future grandfather leans across the table with a grunt and a shake of the head to help another with his charge. Two grown men with a baby doll, both dedicated to learning the correct technique of folding a blanket into a tight cocoon to soothe a crying infant.
Peel is not concerned that these grandfathers master technique:
"We have to make sure the parents are the experts," she explains. "I want you to learn from them."
This message came across loud and clear to one past graduate of the class.
"I learned to step back and respect my daughter and son-in-law as the main caretakers of the baby. Let them tell me what they needed, and when they needed it," says Claudia Hunter Johnson, a Seattle grandmother and screenwriting consultant.
The class concludes with an optional tour of the Swedish Birthing Center – and the group of grandparents looks like a bunch of excited kids on a field trip as they file into the elevator. The curriculum, administered with Peel's humor, expertise and personal experience, seems to have borne a whole new level of anticipation in the arrival of these students' grandbabies.
Peel closes the session with some simple tips as they embark on the adventure of grandparenting:
Listen and learn. Be respectful of Mom, Dad and Baby alone time. Share your stories.
"That's how we learn, connect and communicate as a family," Peel said. "And that's what it's really all about."
Jenni Prange Boran is a Tacoma-based freelance writer, a screenwriter and the mother of a busy 5-year-old boy.
