Photo: pasco county schools/flickr
If you've got a child in middle school, you might feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. He or she is too old for child care and is itching for independence, but is too young to spend too much time unsupervised.
We asked Shoreline School District middle school counselors Lauren Lochner, at Einstein, and Marie Hurtado, at Kellogg, to give parents some perspective on summertime for the middle school crowd. They got together to offer these answers and tips.
Seattle's Child: What are the important emotional, developmental or other factors when considering summer activities for middle school kids?
LL & MH: Teenagers are renegotiating their relationships with their parents and other adults. They do this through challenging authority and questioning rules. Ultimately they would like to manage their lives with little adult input, especially during the summer. However, they are not ready to handle all the freedom that they would like.
Remember that the frontal lobe (executive functions and decision making) of the brain in middle school students is still developing. Often the choices they make are not with long-term consequences or effects in mind.
What's most important to kids at this age and should that play into summer decisions?
Students are still learning how to navigate social situations and relationships. Including a friend in summer plans with your child is a great idea because it allows the student to continue to develop and practice social skills. If the friend is accompanying the family on a trip, even better, because those social skills are being practiced with adult supervision.
Although kids are at an age when they are pushing family away in favor of friends, families and family life are still important to them. Summer is a great time to reinforce the family bond. But opening up the family to include friends is a way for kids to include friends in their family life rather than reject one at the expense of the other.
Should kids this age look for a summer job? Or is learning and fun more important?
Middle school students are usually too young to be hired for summer positions. However, neighborhood jobs like yard work and baby-sitting are a good way for students to learn about job responsibilities and to earn some extra cash.
Summer is a great time for students to explore potential new career interests and hobbies. A great way to do this is through community service opportunities with your local Y, church, temple, child or adult care center, food bank etc. Kids at this age tend to be self-centered and service opportunities help them develop greater awareness of the needs of others.
What are the best ways to motivate kids to get off the couch and gadgets on long summer days and do something?
Take the gadgets away! Have regular no-gadget days each week – and include yourself (the adult) in this agreement. At the beginning of the summer, sit down with the kids and develop a list of possible summer activities you can do (especially free ones) and have kids consult the list when they are struggling for ideas on gadget-free days.
Should middle school age kids be left alone at home during the summer? Pros, cons, cautions?
This is not advised. It is normal for middle school students to want to spend increasing unstructured time with their peers. Too much unstructured time, however, can lead to risk-taking behaviors that adults may be completely unaware of.
It is normal for a student to take risks from time to time as he or she is growing up and developing independence. However, even the best-intentioned middle-schooler may make poor choices under social pressure (if he or she is hanging out with friends unsupervised) or as an act of teenage rebellion.
If you are a working parent, know whom your student is spending time with, meet the child's friends and above all meet his or her friends' parents.
Is it important that kids continue to keep engaged in some academic pursuit in summer? Why?
It depends. Some students who have learning plans will benefit from participating in summer school or a math or writing class. However, it's nice for kids to be able to take a break and let go of school for a bit.
Always strongly encourage your student to read!! A free rainy-day activity is a trip to the library! Remember, any activity you do can become a learning activity if you design it that way.
Should there be a balance of free time and planned time?
Balancing structured and unstructured time is important for a variety of reasons. Students need to learn how to structure their own time as they are earning new freedom.
Some students are naturally more organized and structure their summer time with goals and activities on their own. Others are more inclined to stay up late playing computer games and sleep the day away.
Even going to the mall can be a balance of structured and unstructured time – allow for both so that students have supervision but also time to make their own decisions. It is important for kids to learn from their mistakes and it's easiest for them to do so if there is an adult around to process that experience with them.
