As a child, 9:59 p.m. was a crucial time for me.
The local television news was about to begin. My dad was asleep in his easy chair in the living room. If he woke up, the first words he'd say would be "up to bed," and then I'd never know what happened in the world outside my Iowa farm. To delay the inevitable I crept over to the TV set (we didn't have remotes back then) and turned the volume down so the news program's theme song wouldn't disturb him.
Standing inches from the television, I heard this public service announcement every night: "It's 10 p.m.: Do you know where your children are?"
I didn't understand that. Where else would I be, but home? Even as a teenager I was in my room most nights giving my parents little reason to wonder or worry about my location. They had it too easy.
Many parents today aren't so lucky.
More moms and dads are working outside the home and their jobs demand more hours than ever before. They'd love to be home when their kids finish school in the afternoon or during winter and summer breaks from school, but many can't be there.
When Nobody's Watching
A friend of mine with the Seattle Police Department says the hours between 2:30 and 6:30 in the afternoon are "prime time for juvenile crimes." Whether it's vandalism, shoplifting, experimenting with weapons, drugs, alcohol or sex, causing a car crash or being in one – he says, "the potential for something going wrong when nobody's watching is huge."
It's 3 p.m. How can you make sure you know where your children are?
There are high-tech tools you could use. Computer monitoring software is available to spy on Facebook accounts and other social networking sites. Other devices make it possible to retrieve text messages from cell phones. The Ford Motor Company has introduced an ignition key that has a computer chip in it to alert parents if their teen drivers speed, don't fasten their seatbelts, tailgate and other things. Safeco Insurance offers a surveillance system to inform parents if their kids break their driving curfew, text while driving or speed. With a global positioning system (GPS) in a car or cell phone, you could even pinpoint where someone is every moment of the day.
I prefer a low-tech method of figuring out what kids are doing when parents aren't around – ask them. I ask questions for a living, a lot of them, and it's always been natural and easy for me. Give me two minutes in the car pool with any of my daughter's friends and I can generally get information out of them that even she doesn't know. Later she asks in amazement, "How do you do that?" Occasionally she also says, "Stop interviewing my friends."
Reporter Parent
"Interviewing" is a key word. Journalists go through life with a deliberate and natural curiosity that results in endless questions.
Beginning reporters are taught the five W's and one H of journalism. Reporters' stories need to cover the basics – who, what, when, where, why, and how. While most kids would freak out if they were interrogated every day, parents should subtly adopt the basic reporter skills. Know who your kids are with, what they're doing, where they're going, why they're getting together with friends, and how they're getting to and from the activity they're planning.
If you get an answer to one of the questions, ask some follow-up questions. Think about the news conferences you've seen on TV. One answer is never enough to satisfy a persistent reporter. If your teen answers the question, "What are you doing?" by saying, "I'm on Facebook," consider a few more questions. For example, "Who are your top five friends on Facebook? Do you have a blog? Oh, can I see your profile picture?"
It's not that difficult. It's not that different from when you asked your first grader, "How was your day? Who did you play with at recess? What did you eat for lunch?" As a reporter, I'm still amazed that people almost always answer my questions. They don't have to – especially personal or embarrassing ones – but they do. Your kids will answer your questions too, more often and more honestly than you'd imagine.
Assuming your teens have more active social lives than I did (at home watching the local news at 10 p.m. was a bit pathetic), you need to make sure you're always communicating with them. Keep asking questions and you'll have a better idea of where your teens are at 3, 7 or 10 p.m. – without a GPS.
Linda Thomas is a Seattle editor and parent of two kids. Her reporting skills come in handy as a parent.
Editor's note: This article was originally published in December of 2008.
