When I found out I was expecting, the first thing I did was to buy a brand-new crib – tout de suite. It seems silly to me now, especially considering that it was well over a year before anyone actually slept in it. But at the time, I needed it. Having that object in my possession felt necessary for me to move forward with the whole venture.
Now, I didn’t just buy it; I insisted that my husband set it up right away – matching bedding and all – even though I knew we’d be moving before the baby came. Why? I suppose I wanted to feel prepared, and it seemed to me that prepared moms had cribs in place in their homes. There was no talking me out of it. (And as you probably know by now, they make those things exactly one inch too wide to move through a door without taking them apart.)
There’s something about having a baby that activates a gathering gene in most women – and gathering often translates into shopping. The primal urge to “feather the nest” can mean a flurry of soft, fuzzy purchases tucked into every corner of your home. A little voice begins whispering that if we just have this one thing, everything will go more smoothly. Many of us begin to spend willy-nilly on any product we hear about, hoping that we can buy our way into being ready for this huge life change.
It doesn’t help that as soon as you become pregnant, you get thrown into a new and overwhelming retail world. Every parent you’ve ever known comes forth with the one lifesaver product that they couldn’t have survived without – so of course, you should buy it, too, if you’re smart. Finally, there comes a moment, probably at 3 a.m. when you’re up with heartburn and reading online customer reviews of white noise machines, when you simply have to take a step back and repeat this mantra: I do not need it. I do not need it. I do not need it.
What does a brand-new baby need? Truly, only these five things:
1. An infant car seat.
2. A big package of newborn diapers.
3. A big package of unscented baby wipes (or cotton balls).
4. A big package of onesies.
5. A cozy place to sleep.
It’s hard to believe, but absolutely everything else is really an extra. Sure, you’ll want to buy more – a baby carrier, a nursing pillow, a stroller – but there is no need to do it all before the baby comes. As my husband tried in vain to remind me, stores will continue to be open after the birth.
It’s actually prudent to wait until you see how things go, anyway – otherwise you might find yourself with 10 sets of pajamas with feet, only to discover that neither you nor your baby is fond of them; or you might end up with a huge jogging stroller, and realize that you want a slimmer version for maneuvering in and out of stores. There’s no way to know exactly what you need until baby appears and becomes part of your life. So keep the shopping list as simple as you can. Then order any additional items online, or send your spouse, mother, or friend out to pick up what you need. People want to help anyway, and this gives them a task.
Now, every new mom has a mental list of items that they just have to buy in order to sleep well at night, logic be damned. Mine, of course, was that crib. One friend was obsessed with having socks and hats for her winter baby; she even had anxiety dreams about them until she stocked the drawers full. For you, it might be a stack of swaddling blankets, several baby carrier options, or even a fully decorated nursery. It’s okay to succumb to your personal list, if it doesn’t break the bank. Think about what’s weighing on your mind, and if it’s reasonable, just buy it (and start a large envelope for baby-related receipts for returns). Then move on.
Now, for all that people talk about what to buy for baby, we often forget to share good buys for moms. Think about investing in a few things to make you more comfortable, and consider giving them as shower gifts, too. Rather than a wipe warmer, video monitor, or solid mahogany changing table, spend some dough on things that you know you will use and appreciate every day: a super-deluxe insulated coffee mug, a good telephone headset, a subscription to a mindless gossip magazine, an e-book reader stocked with great reads, your favorite TV show or old movies on DVD, a food delivery service, or (hallelujah!) a housekeeper. After all, a happier mom will always be of more value to baby than anything money can buy.
Kerry Colburn is the author of How to Have Your Second Child First: 100 Things That Are Good to Know … the First Time Around.
