What would we do without other moms? If you’re like most, you rely on them not only as a trusted resource for just about anything – from how to potty train to where to send your kid to camp – but also as kindred spirits who understand your ups and downs.
There’s a camaraderie between moms, even those who are strangers: a recognition of one another as fellow travelers on the winding path of parenthood. With that camaraderie comes a level of kindness and courtesy, a sisterhood, that is rare in today’s world and difficult to describe to those without children.
“I feel like I entered a kind of secret society when I became a parent,” says a friend. “I noticed it even with things as small as crossing the street. You could always tell when it was another parent – he or she would smile and give you the wave to go first.” So, in honor of Mother’s Day Month (come on, shouldn’t we get more than a day?), I want to take a moment to express my gratitude for the easy generosity of other moms. Until I became one, I didn’t realize how much I’d come to rely on it.
Say what you will about “sanctimommies”– those legendary catty moms who look down their noses when you feed your child Rice Krispie treats at 9 a.m. so she’ll let you talk on the phone – I don’t think I’ve actually ever encountered one in the flesh. What I’ve run into, time and again, are moms who help me out without hesitation. My mom friends listen when I need to vent, offer to babysit when I’m sick, go out with me when I have cabin fever, and would line up at my door if I needed them, even though they have their own busy and chaotic lives.
Beyond that, I’m continually touched by the moms who are utter strangers but still lend a hand. I have to say that it gives me a boost of faith in humanity. Other moms have opened doors for me when my hands are full, loaned me a diaper when my bag is full of everything but, offered cuts in long bathroom lines when my toddler really had to go, held my babies on airplanes and in security lines, and given me thoughtful advice on babysitters, rashes, playgrounds, and preschools – all for no reason except that they want to help. In my experience, they always deliver, and are happy to do so.
I am continually thankful for these little kindnesses, which can sometimes make the difference between a frustrating morning and a good one when you’re negotiating the world with small kids. So I strive to pay it forward, to keep that karma going. I offer little things whenever I can: wipes, band-aids, sunscreen, Goldfish, an extra juice box, advice when asked (okay, sometimes when not asked). Sometimes, it’s just a kind word at the coffee shop for the new mom who has clearly had no sleep, or a high-five to the one who has all three kids dressed, combed, and sitting still at a restaurant. At the heart of it, I try to remember that we’re all moving through the experience of motherhood together. It’s nice to be reminded – especially if we haven’t talked to a grown-up all day – that we’re not hoofing it down this path solo.
Once, in the LAX bathroom (where I was happily on my own for a girls’ wedding weekend), I spotted a frazzled mom trying to figure out how to pee with her baby in a sling and carry-on bags strapped to her body. “I’ll hold her,” I said, giving her my best I’m-not-psycho face. “I’m a mom.”
She eyed me warily, as she should have, since I had no kids in tow. I took out my wallet, family photo included, and handed it to her. “You can hold this if you want, and I’ll stand with her right outside the door so you can see my feet.” “Okay,” she caved. I pushed all of her bags in front of a stall and held her baby while she went in.
It was a weird, intimate moment, sure, but what day as a parent isn’t full of weird, intimate moments? On her way out, she said, “That might’ve been the nicest thing that happened to me so far today.” “Well,” I said, “It can only get better from here.”
Generosity: Keep it going, moms. It will never go unnoticed.
What little kindnesses have other parents offered you, to help your day go more smoothly? We’d love to hear.
