In the summer of 2008, then 14-year-old Stacia Cammarano and her family went on a grand adventure.
As Stacia recalls, “It was the summer before I started high school. My parents thought it would be one of the last times I would want to hang out with only my family. They were very wrong. Because of that RV trip, I would whole-heartedly jump at the chance to go on another trip with my family now. Five years later, I still relish the days spent crossing America’s state lines in a cramped RV.”
The Great Cammarichaels-Gritmire Road Trip, as it came to be called, was an important part of Stacia’s transition into young adulthood. Stacia’s mothers Stacia Cammarano (yes, same name) and Susan Michaels and their friends Cathy Griffin and Jackie Ritmire started planning the vacation their families went on together nearly 12 months before it happened.
All the planning was necessary because it was not a little road trip. On the contrary, the couples planned out every detail of an attraction-packed, multi-state, three-week trek to Mount Rushmore and back via different routes. There were many long discussions about exactly what route to take going and coming, where each overnight would take place and why. It was an experience all four mothers agree taught them a lot – about themselves, their kids and the American West.
Chief among the lessons?
- Plan, plan and plan some more
- Create and support pack mentality among the kids
- Keep the “teachable moments” to a minimum
- Break the rules now and then
Plan, plan and plan some more
One of the first things on the planning table was gender balance. The humor and irony of this is not lost on the two lesbian couples who have three boys between them (Jake and Cole Ritmire and Tony Cammarano) and only one girl, Stacia. To even out their teen load, they invited Stacia’s 14-year-old cousin, Anna Williams, to join the caravan.
Ritmire took on planning the route and finding interesting tourist stops. Michaels followed up by plotting out the distance and drive time between KOA camp sites. She was in charge of making reservations. “You do not want to leave finding a campsite to chance when you have an RV full of tired teens,” Michaels warns other parents.
While Cammarano and Michaels were clear that they did not want to sleep outside in tents, both families agreed they wanted to avoid motel costs. In the end, the Cammarano-Michaels rented an RV and the Ritmire-Griffins brought a minivan and tents. While the kids favored actually traveling in the RV, having both vehicles available had its advantages. First, kids could swap cars – a good thing if tensions rose or someone just needed alone time. Second, having a van made small day trips and emergency grocery runs from the campsites easier.
Mama Stacia was camp cook, planning out sometimes elaborate meals for the entire trip. While the families ate some meals separately, they often joined resources to sit at the same table.
The couples planned ample activities and stops, but they also packed the vehicles with books, board games, cards, movies and other things they could wave in front of a kid who mumbled “There’s nothing to DO.”
“Even with this beautiful, dusty scenery passing us by in the RV, we would still get a little bored,” younger Stacia, now 19 says. “In the front seat, Susan drove and Stacia hand-stitched a quilt. At the table, my cousin Anna and I would work on a puzzle or read our books. Some days, we all listened to Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.
“None of us was texting,” she says. “The TV didn’t work when moving so we couldn’t watch that. And [in a pre-smart phone era] there were only so many movies you could bring with you. In the RV you either talked, worked on a puzzle, read, or waved at cars.”
The phone rule, according to mama Stacia, was simple: “You couldn’t use it around others. You had to be in the moment with people.”
The end result of all that planning to avoid last minute stress and non-digital boredom abatement, the moms say, was almost zero cat fights or squabble. And: “It was by far the best family vacation we’ve ever had,” says mom Cammarano. “I mean we’ve been to Europe and other places, but the vacation that always comes up first for the kids as the most fun is the RV trip.”
“The also really reminded us how funny (the kids) are,” Michaels adds. “They were pretty good conversationalists.”
“And they got to see us out of our normal element, laughing, telling jokes,” adds Ritmire. “At one point, we were in a campground and we were laughing and singing and telling jokes and we were so loud (the camp staff) had to come and tell us to keep it down. We all thought that was so funny!”
Create and support pack mentality among the kids
While both sets of parents were normally less lenient with allowing kids to go out unsupervised, all of them learned the value of the pack during the trip. Because there were five kids ages 10 to 14, they agreed to allow them to explore campsites and attractions as a group, without the adults.
“As long as they were together, that was the rule,” Cammarano says. “It really opened up the joy of discovering for them. Every place we went there was something to do or see, and we let them do their own thing instead of having to slow down with the adults and read every plaque.”
Embracing pack mentality gave the parents the opportunity to enjoy adult company and know their kids were safe. It allowed the kids new freedom and the chance to make choices.
“For the most part they made really good decisions,” Ritmire says.
To balance all that freedom, the kids agreed to chores. “Kids want to contribute when you give them a little latitude,” Ritmire says. “So in exchange for setting up camp, unloading the cars, doing the dishes, the pack of five got to climb glaciers without four moms shouting at them to ‘Be careful!'”
“I remember asking ‘Should we be letting them go up that glacier?’ Ritmire recalls. “But we had already laid down the rule. They stuck together.”
Keep the “teachable moments” to a minimum
While both families invited kids to review the itinerary and map before the trip, few of them jumped at the chance. Instead the parents pinned the map of their journey in the kitchen of the RV and announced the next destination as they were traveling.
“They didn’t look before, but as soon as we said where we were going next, they’d all look to see where it was and how far,” says Michaels.
The moms resisted the temptation to request historic reports about the sites, force the kids to read historic markers, or otherwise try to cram a little summer learning into the agenda.
One teachable moment did occur, although not through any planning on the part of the moms. The day they arrived at Mount Rushmore, the first Gay Pride parade in South Dakota was being held there. The kids noticed a banner stating that the park’s department did not endorse the parade. In Seattle, their moms are accepted and Gay Pride is a matter of pride. The banner confused them.
“We just happened to be there that day,” Michaels says. “It was an opportunity to tell them, ‘Hey, we live in this little bubble but this is what it’s like all over the world.'”
Break the rules now and then
Both the kids and the parents learned one more important lesson about how to have a vacation every family member will remember with joy: Break the rules now and then.
“One of my favorite meals on the trip was our breakfasts because we got to have Pop Tarts,” young Stacia says. “At home in Seattle, we NEVER got Pop Tarts.”
And the moms would never normally condone driving without a seatbelt either.
“When we got to Glacier National Park, the RV was not allowed to go up the mountain on the Going-to-the-Sun Road, so all nine of us piled into the minivan,” Stacia says. “We put three seats up in the back and my moms sat there. Then the five of us kids sat in the middle floor part of the minivan. Cathy and Jackie were up front driving. We were driving at five miles per hour the whole time and there was no snow on the road, but not being in car seats and buckled was really fun. In my opinion, a little rule breaking is good for kids and families.”
“Like I said, they got to see us moms out of our element!” says Ritmire.
Let the Kids Take the Photos!
At least as much as the parents. On the coffee table in the Cammarano-Michaels home is a picture book from The Great Cammarichaels-Gritmire Road Trip. Many of the photos were taken by the kids themselves, adding value to the book for them and their parents.
The photos show two families having the time of their lives. There is laughter, hilarity and spontaneity on every page. Like the moment they all considered going spelunking but decided against it when none but Jake Ritmire, then 13, could pass the cave claustrophobia test.
“There are so many good pictures and moments from the trip, it was hard for any of us to choose the ones for be included in our trip book. ” Ritmire says.
