If you want to inspire young people to achieve great things, especially tween and teenage girls, it certainly helps to have “been there, done that” – and be an example of self-made success. That description fits author and teen girl mentor Debbie Reber to a T. She was once a gawky, uncomfortable teenage girl. Today she’s a best-selling author, a celebrated mentor and a sought-after speaker at girl-oriented events and organizations across the country.
Among Reber’s credits are several top-selling books written for and by teenage girls. Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul, released in 2006, was described by a leading reviewer as “a comfort to all who breathe.” And the School Library Journal lauded Reber’s 2009 book, Chill: Stress Reducing Techniques for a More Balanced, Peaceful You, calling it “just the right combination of smart wit, know-it-all bravado, and advice from a pseudo big sister.”
In 2010, Reber published the nation’s first series of teen-authored memoirs – a moving six-book collection called Louder Than Words. The six books, written by teens and edited by Reber, offer an intimate, deeply honest look at true life teen challenges – the death of parents, chronic illness, and depression. And, from 2010 and 2012, Reber was named a Champion for Dove’s Movement for Self-Esteem.
In fact, just about everything Reber, a Seattle resident and mother of 7-year-old Asher, does is aimed at inspiring girls and young women to follow their dreams, including engaging in entrepreneurship, social activism, and volunteerism.
Reber will be the keynote speaker for the 2013 Mamacon conference, a one-day conference to help moms rejuvenate while at the same time gaining useful parenting skills. Mamacon takes place May 18 at the Bellevue Hilton.
We asked Reber about her work and her hopes for today’s girls. Her answers are below.
When and how did your work to empower teenage girls begin?
My work on behalf of girls started when I was barely out of my teens myself. After college, I found myself floundering as I navigated the world of work and life as a twenty-something in New York City, and I soon realized my residual teen and tween baggage – low self-esteem, low self-worth, and a feeling like I wasn’t good enough to get where I wanted to go – was seriously standing in my way. After a particularly nasty break up (read: I got dumped), I dove into self-discovery and personal growth work and, as I began to fully step into who I was, felt pulled to turn around and support those on the cusp of adulthood so they could skip some of the painful stuff I’d gone through.
How do your own teen years influence your work?
My teen years, to be frank, sucked. I’m certain I’m not alone here, but for most, if not all, of my teens, I felt weird, ugly, goofy, unloveable, dumb, and supremely misunderstood. I had so many things I aspired to but I didn’t feel like I had the resources, the information, or the support to get there. As a result, I spent most of my teens feeling trapped, like everything was always going to be a struggle, like I didn’t have the opportunities others had. And that didn’t seem fair.
You’ll note there was no big trauma here – just an awkward teen girl feeling like no one believed in her and her dreams. What I hope to do through my work is make sure every girl out there knows that she has the potential to create what she wants. That she’s capable, smart, and totally worth it.
How did you find the teen authors for your Louder Than Words series?
I searched far and wide to find the right teens, as my criteria was to not only find teens with compelling stories, but they had to be strong writers and be capable of committing and sticking to a tight writing schedule while also juggling high school and life. It wasn’t an easy task! Ultimately, I found teens through reaching out to my peers in the girl advocacy community and connecting with writing and mentoring organizations that work with girls, like WriteGirl, Girls Write Now, and 826.
Did the writing of these young authors surprise you in any way?
All six books in the Louder Than Words series are so different, and I was constantly surprised by the girls’ willingness to share their stories so honestly and with the intention of helping other girls. For teen readers, the Louder Than Words books let them see they’re not alone in the struggles they are facing, and give them a true-life peer mentor they can relate to and learn from. Parents and teachers can get a unique look into the mind and lives of today’s girls, which can help shed light on the thinking behind the tricky situations many teens get themselves into.
For example, in reading Alexis: My True Story of Being Seduced by an Online Predator, we get to see how a young woman who, while on the outside looked like she had everything together, fell victim to an older man online and ultimately went down a painful path through that relationship.
That kind of insight is invaluable for parents.
What are the main challenges of teens today?
The world of work is changing. The “go to college, get a job” environment that most adults grew up in doesn’t exist in the same way.
Colleges are ridiculously expensive, incredibly competitive to get into, and degrees don’t guarantee a job on the other side. Today’s teens are very aware of this reality. So the challenge then is figuring out how to move forward into adulthood in a world where the rules are being completely scrapped and haven’t been rewritten yet. This causes stress for a lot of teens, and unfortunately most schools – middle schools and high schools – haven’t adapted to this new economy.
What do you believe are the most workable solutions for overcoming these hurdles?
As parents and teachers, we need to nurture teens’ creativity, critical thinking skills, and problem-solving skills so they feel confident they’ve got what it takes to navigate their future, in whatever shape or form it presents itself.
What do teens want most from their parents and how can parents better understand and help them succeed?
More than anything else, I believe teens want to be heard and understood by their parents. The challenge is, at the same time they want to be understood, they’re engaging in their primary job as teens – rebelling. Rebelling and pushing back against our rules is their way of growing and figuring out who they are … it’s a critical rite of passage.
Parents are best served if they don’t take this rebelling personally. It’s not about us; it’s about them doing what they’re driven to do. I encourage parents to:
- Give their teens appropriate levels of independence and the room to take safe risks.
- Keep the lines of communication open by not reacting to things they share that may scare the pants off of you.
- Help them explore challenging situations by being a nonjudgmental sounding board, so they continue to feel safe coming to you with what’s going on with them.
- One more thing – as surprising as it may seem, teens crave boundaries. Having clear boundaries helps them feel secure and confident, so it’s important to keep them in place even when they give us a hard time about them. They need to know we are always going to there, be making hard decisions about their safety and well-being.
Tell me about Heart of Gold, your website for teenage girls.
Heart of Gold (www.heartofgoldgirls.com) is a growing online destination aimed at teen girls with an interest in entrepreneurship, social activism, and volunteerism. Our goal is to give girls practical tools to build out their own businesses, connect them with like-minded peers, offer inspirational stories they can see themselves in, and support them as they design their future.
Reber will be the keynote speaker at the 2013 MamaCon, a two-day conference to help moms rejuvenate while at the same time gaining useful parenting skills, happening May 17 and 18 at the Bellevue Hilton.
