You learn a lot in 25 years of helping children and families navigate the foster care system to permanent adoption. You learn even more as an adoptive mom. So Yolanda Comparan, founder of Bellevue-based Adoption Referral and Information Services, has learned quite a bit in the past few decades. Comparan has provided information, referrals, counseling and education to hundreds of parents, kids and professionals in Washington, including those involved in the foster care, juvenile justice and mental health systems.
We asked Comparan to provide insights into the process of becoming a foster parent and the option of becoming a permanent parent though the foster care-to-adoption option.
What do prospective foster and foster-to-adopt parents learn in the process of getting approved to bring children home?
Foster parents take what is called PRIDE Training that teaches them about the specific and special needs of children who have been taken from their birth family, who may have been abused, may suffer from trauma and trauma-related disorders, may have attachment issues or drug exposure, and who inevitably struggle with grief and loss issues.
Because of the child's life experiences, many of the children in foster care or in a home where the parents are committed to adoption are very challenging to parent. Therefore, behavior management is an important part of the parent education.
You also learn that the system is broken and that there are barriers that exist when one wants to become a foster parent or adoptive parent. There is always the challenge of "maneuvering" the system without becoming discouraged or lost in it. Training and networking with other foster and foster-to-adopt parents can help new parents navigate the system and get the most out of it.
Are there ups and downs in the process of becoming foster parents?
Definitely. When going through the PRIDE classes, the possibility of fostering or adopting becomes real. Often during the training, there is a panel of parents who are/have fostered or adopted. I have participated many times on such panels. I think that perspective can be valuable as well.
I've been told many times, and experienced it myself, that waiting to be "matched" to the right child can be excruciating. There is such a lack of control while the professionals are deciding what is right for each child. This is a necessary part of adopting; the professionals are finding a family, the right family, for a child.
In the case of foster parenting, there are never enough stable, healthy adults willing and able to become foster parents. This, in part, may have to do with the systemic challenges that are a fact right now. This also has to do with the lack of knowledge around the needs of kids in foster care.
How much work is involved in becoming a foster parent?
To become a foster parent or foster to adoptive parent there is the PRIDE training which takes 30+ hours. Much of the work is the waiting on a placement system that has too few professionals with too much work to do – too many responsibilities, too many children they are responsible for.
The licensing process is also challenging due to the too few licensing professionals.
How long do parents have to wait before they bring their first foster child into their home?
Once the classes have been completed and other requirements of foster parenting have been met (including a visit by a social worker to the home to ensure that it is safe), it can be fairly quick to get your first placement. I have heard of foster parents having a child come home within days of receiving their license.
Is there a need for new foster parents? Is there a particular demographic group in need of more foster parents or foster-to-adopt families?
African-American children and Native American children are over-represented in our state's foster care system.
For all children, it is important that they have positive self-esteem. For kids of color, who already have challenges, it is especially important. Plain and simple, there is a need for more foster parents. But there is also a need for foster parents of color – it is very important for all children to have role models that look like them.
There is a need for parents to foster and adopt teens and pre-teens so they do not grow into young adults with no family to rely on. Really, what teen has ever been ready to be completely responsible for themselves at 18? What 18-year-old or older teen cannot use a strong, healthy adult to help them?
What are the biggest pitfalls prospective and current foster parents need to avoid?
Families considering foster care or the foster-to-adoption option may feel a lack of control and often face not having any input on decisions that impact the child in their care. Our state foster care system has difficulty following its own timeline and that leads to instability. Parents also face a lack of standards across the state, a lack of attention to special needs for the child and family, lack of funds and lack of support.
To avoid these pitfalls, parents need to come to the system prepared and with a network of support. They need to be ready to communicate and document and be an advocate for their child and for themselves. And they need to realize that the professionals are only people, most doing the best they can with what they can. You can avoid frustration and pain by being a team member with social workers and CASAs and other people in the system – not adversaries.
Two issues are particularly important in foster-to-adopt.
First it is important to have transition support – counseling for all members of the family, respite care. The healthier the transition, the healthier the life of the child and family will be.
I think it is also important to foster adoption relationships, not simply open adoption agreements. We need to recognize the importance of the birth family in the child's life and the benefits to all people involved in the adoption.
How is fostering different from foster-to-adopt?
The goal of those that want to adopt from foster care, is not to foster at all. The "fostering" is a means to an end for those that are doing foster to adopt. With that said, there are those foster families that meant to foster only and ended up adopting their child when birth families rights were terminated and no other birth family was found to parent the child.
Sometimes a child has a visitation plan with the birth parents, and the foster-to-adopt parents are expected to support this. This is difficult for many – when you are there to be the permanent parent for the child and the birth parents' rights are not yet terminated.
What qualities do you think are important for adopting from foster care?
- Patience!
- Sense of humor
- Ability to commit in times of difficulty
- Continuing relationships with siblings or other birth family members
- Transition planning and transition services – counseling, support, respite
- Ability to advocate on behalf of themselves and their child
