Parents can gravitate toward big moments to show our love, like a birthday party or a weekend outing (and there’s social pressure to go big in these moments). Those moments can build bonds, but you can also help your child thrive and feel loved in powerful, small moments of connection and attention. Micro-moments to the rescue!
Research shows that consistency and frequency in positive parenting support better relationships, stronger mental health, and better school performance. Micro-moments of connection help children feel seen, safe, and loved, and help parents reduce stress and the pressure of constantly being ‘on.’
What are micro-moments and how do they work?
Micro-moments with your child can be as short as 15 to 30 seconds or as focused as a few minutes throughout the day. They should be frequent and intentional. Stop what you are doing for a few seconds or a few minutes to interact with your child, helping build a stable, shared relationship. Every family, and even people within that family, find their own styles of connection.
Here are a few simple micro-moments you can try to strengthen connection and support your child’s mental health:
- Shared rituals: Make it a ritual moment when you share the same joke, an affectionate goodbye or hello, a tuck-in-to-bed, or a morning hug.
- Snack-sized conversations: You can have a surprisingly focused bit of conversation during snack time, in the grocery line, or waiting for your spot at school drop off. Being silent but together for these moments can inspire positive connection, too.
- Letting them slow you down: You might be cooking dinner, but when they say “watch this,” check out that dance move they are sharing, or if they want to stir the batter, go for it.
- Calling out good deeds: It’s enough to say good job, but being specific helps your child feel even more seen. Say, “I saw you pick up your brother’s pacifier”; or acknowledge the outcome, “I saw you were trying to help him stop crying” (whether it worked or not).
- Hugs! And other touch: Hugs are wonderful. But they’re not the only beneficial touch. A pat on the shoulder, holding hands, or other physical touch all help us connect.
- Share baby moments: If you have a new little one in the family, invite your older child to celebrate those little smiles and first steps, inspiring curiosity and connection. If you’re snapping baby pics, take a photo of their sibling too.
- Put down the phone: It might go without saying, but I’m guilty of this myself, so I always like to remind people—listen without your phone in front of you. Just the act of setting the phone down can mean so much to kids. It tells them they matter.
This may all sound rosy, like a house filled with micro-moments of love, but let’s face it, day-to-day parenting doesn’t always feel like that. It can be tough if you don’t get a caring response from your child when you try to connect. Other times, you might find it hard to connect when you’re having a bad day yourself. Try to remember that micro-moments don’t all have to be around positive feelings.
Why micro-moments matter for kids’ mental health
Research shows that parental openness can help children build trust. Accepting the full range of feelings your child might have teaches your kids it’s safe to be sad or have hard feelings. These intentional, brief moments of connection can be micro-moments that acknowledge sadness, accept a teen’s defensive response, or say sorry for losing it in traffic that morning.
Micro-moments help children build a sturdy social and emotional foundation and help parents stay connected while managing the whirlwind that is parenting life. Next time you focus on your child for a few micro-moments, applaud yourself for positive parenting!
A note from Dr. Block
This is the last column from me in Seattle’s Child, so thank you, readers. You’ll get to hear from another excellent provider going forward. I’ve enjoyed all the parent questions and comments. It’s been an honor to share knowledge and insights from my wonderful pediatric practice, as well as the amazing work of community members helping parents and children live healthier lives. Stay healthy out there!
