Family stories handed down

“Amma, tell me a story about when you were my age.” 

My 10- and 12-year-old sons and I snuggle on the couch as I take them back in time, retracing memories stained into the fibers of my very being . . .

When I was a little girl, on hot summer days, I’d shove a wad of $1 bills into my pocket and ride my bike about two miles from where we lived down to a Safeway store in hopes of buying a box of popsicles to take home and share. 

I’d ride carefully up and down our hilly streets, pass through rush-hour traffic (without a helmet, can you imagine?!), get to the store entrance, throw my bike down, and run inside to make my purchase. I’d always worry about how I needed to get home before the popsicles melted . . .

I’ve told my kids this story many times, and yet they still wait to hear if I made it back in time.

The oral record of a family

Storytelling is the most powerful way to record and give children a glimpse into your own lived experiences, culture, traditions, and ancestry.

Often, my kids forget that my husband and I were once their age. They forget that underneath these tough exteriors, house rules, and parental responsibilities, we too, experienced childhoods filled with joy, challenge, triumph, and trauma. When my husband and I share our life experiences, we teach our kids lessons, keep memories about loved ones alive, and deepen their connection to us and our families.

Little hints at why we do what we do

My children have five grandparents. One is my mom, who passed away when I was 17. There isn’t a day that passes that I don’t wonder what it would have been like to have her here. I keep her alive and in my children’s world by sharing stories about her. 

Your grandmother was a nurse and always worked the afternoon shift. At 11 p.m., my dad would drag me to the car and drive an hour to Washington, DC, to pick her up after work. 

I’d sprawl out in the back seat, rhythmically moving with the car’s acceleration, eventually rocking myself half asleep. When we all got home, my mom would open her maroon and gold pleather purse and pull out a small can of Dole pineapple juice and a few pieces of candy for me. “Save some for your brother,” she’d tell me. It let me know she was thinking about us throughout her day . . .

READ AND LISTEN: The Chicken and Two  Scorpions

Now, I too pick up a few candies or other treats and stash them in my purse, pulling them out the next time I see my kids. I’ll direct one child to save some for their sibling. Because they know my mother’s story, they know where this loving tradition comes from.

Research shows the benefits

Beyond family connection and passing down history, there are many reasons to engage in family storytelling. For example, according to a report from the University of Nevada Cooperative Extension, children who grow up with family storytelling view their family as stronger, have higher self-esteem, lower anxiety levels, fewer behavior problems, and can deal with stress better. Learning that your father got through a tough situation can give you courage.

A case in point: the stories from my husband Anu, who grew up in India. If you’ve heard of parents who tell tales of walking uphill both ways in six feet of snow to school, that’s the tenor of some of my husband’s storytelling with our boys. 

A chicken and two scorpions

Every story he tells has a lesson and has shaped our family’s values. Our kids’ favorite starts like this:

When I was about five or six years old my father and I went to visit my grandparents in Prakannam. Their house is located in the mountains and it was a long drive to get there, over bumpy roads with lots of twists and turns.

When we got there my dad had gone inside to visit with his parents, while I stayed outside to play. The porch was filled with interesting things to look at. I could hear chickens clucking at my neighbor’s house as I skipped around the yard. I spotted two baskets filled with straw at the corner of the porch. They were wide woven baskets, the type that workers carried on their head to transport goods from one place to another. I decided to move them around and tip them a bit to see what was inside. Two black scorpions scampered out and I dropped the basket, stepping back quickly. Their tails were poised up and over their heads, ready to strike with their poisonous pincers . . .

How to share a story

Here are some ways that I and my family have found to keep our stories alive and to keep passing them down:

• Talk to relatives and ask questions. The best way to find and retell stories is to ask open-ended questions to explore milestone events or how they felt about an incident in their life. 
• Share the joy and sadness. The tales of challenge and sadness are the ones that will teach children about overcoming obstacles and will highlight resilience.
• Record your story. Record your story through writing, photography, or a voice recording. I value the voice recording above other media because the voice is fleeting. We interviewed my husband’s parents about how they met, and it provides one of our fondest memories.
• Celebrate the holidays with storytelling. Family gatherings are a great time to pass down (and record) stories from generation to generation.
• Embrace silence: Oftentimes, one or more long quiet pauses will punctuate the best stories.

Did I make it?

In the meantime, this story started with a story. You may be wondering, how did the popsicle story end? 

I wound the plastic bag around my bike’s handlebars, securing my treasured treats, and hopped on my bike. I weaved between parking spaces and cars and then back through traffic. My knees hit the popsicle box every so often. 

The box flew forward and then swung back again and again. I raced on my bike, sweat dripping down the side of my face. I turned left onto my street and up my driveway. Unwrapping the plastic, I cherished the taste of my cherry-flavored popsicle, its juice beginning to drip ever so slightly. I’d made it home just in the nick of time. 

Read more from our storytelling project:

Lifting Up the Sky

Glukeek Legend

Learning txʷəlšucid and telling the stories

Living, breathing, working for my culture

Family stories handed down

The Chicken and Two  Scorpions

A family of Moths: Recreating The Moth StorySLAM at home

The Best Mother She Ever Had

‘Out of my heart a story will come: Storytelling in schools’

The Lion and the Mouse

Why do we tell stories around the fire?