I’m grappling this week with senseless death — not just in a war 6,500 miles away, but in young people in this country devastated by the disease of addiction.
Stella was one of them. Last week, she became addiction’s worst “outcome.” Stella is a a pseudonym. I am not her mother. I want to protect her.
The Stella I knew was a fighter, someone who worked hard for her on-again, off-again sobriety. Just yesterday, she was a young mother who glowed with pride as she selfied with her baby. Today, her parents and husband are reeling, her community is stunned, and her daughter is crying for her mother. I just donated to a GoFundMe to raise funds for her burial and provide meals to her family.
Where it started
I tell you this not to pat myself on the back but because writing about Stella is something to do with my own sadness and empathy for her family in grief. It’s a play to direct my anger toward a very real monster. And also because Stella’s story could be any of our stories — her experience could be that of any of our kids.
As parents, we need to understand the risks of use by our kids, whether driven by medical need or curiosity. And we need to keep readily available resources to help them navigate overwhelming tween and teen emotions in a world where life-threatening drugs and other tickets to lifelong addiction are readily, easily found.
Stella became addicted to opioids after being prescribed them following an injury at age 14. She was a good student and outgoing before her injury; she suffered depression after it. Her father told me she was too embarrassed to seek help for depression in high school. She learned that the drugs helped ease the pain in her back and in her mind. She later dropped out of school, and from there it was a rotating door of rehab, sober living, and relapse.
More than a year ago, Stella got clean again and got married. She had a baby. Her future looked brighter. Sadly, getting over postpartum depression for someone with an addiction can be a mountain too high to climb.
It doesn’t matter how they start
I should stress that most addiction cases are not directly attributable to childhood prescriptions. Research shows that adolescents who receive prescription opioids have a modest but measurable increase in the risk of later misuse — about a one-third higher risk compared with peers. The thing is, Stella’s father told me, if your child is in that part of one-third, the statistics don’t matter. His child is dead.
I disagree with that. I believe that knowing the numbers is important for us parents. National data from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration show that substance use typically begins in childhood — most often between ages 12 and 15. More than 90% of adult addicts began using during that age window. Ten percent of those first tried alcohol or other addictive substances by 11 or younger.
Washington teens are using substances at rates similar to or slightly below national averages. In 2023, about 9% of Washington 10th graders, about 7,600 kids, reported recent alcohol use, and 8% reported cannabis use, according to the state’s Healthy Youth Survey. About 2% of 10th graders and 2.9% of 12th graders reported use of narcotics or other drugs. That’s 4,500 kids.
Reason to hope
The good news is that these data sets show that most teens do not use substances at all.
Abstinence rates both in Washington and nationwide have been higher than ever in recent years. Still, those percentages, 8-9%, are attached to nearly 50,000 kids between the ages of 12 and 17 in Washington.
That more than 90% of teens in our state are not trying or using alcohol and drugs reflects the hard work of parents, public health departments, and lawmakers to regulate drugs and build more awareness of the mental health needs of kids and access to care.
A couple of years ago, Stella told me she quickly connected the prescription she received as a freshman in high school with relief from her post-injury depression. She didn’t have ready access to counseling or teen-oriented addiction help.
Here in Seattle, your teen does. Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, they can get free virtual therapy through the city’s Talkspace partnership. The program offers kids aged 13 and older confidential, unlimited messaging therapy, plus one live video session. Seattle Public Schools students also have access to 21 school-based health centers, which offer counseling, resource connection, and support. The centers receive funding from the City of Seattle and Public Health — Seattle & King County.
And, Seattle Children’s Psychiatric Urgent Care is a new dedicated clinic that provides same-day or quick-access mental health crisis support for children and teens ages 4-17.
What every child age 11 and up needs to know
I don’t need to tell you that such programs only work if our kids use them. But I want to tell you that our kids are more likely to use them if we give them the contact information without judgment and with our promise of support. To do otherwise can be lethal.
Although they represent only 8-9% of all kids ages 12-17 in Washington, some of our kids are trying out substances. Some are using them regularly. Some, like Stella, will develop a lifelong addiction out of that use. Some of them will die. And none of us can say it won’t be our child.
Not just kids: Postpartum depression and relapse
There’s more to Stella’s story. In the month following giving birth, her depression returned. It is not surprising. Postpartum depression (PPD) is a significant trigger for addiction relapse, with studies showing that women with PPD symptoms are over four times more likely to have a history of substance abuse compared to those without. I know personally the terrible struggle of postpartum depression. In fact, I testified about it before lawmakers in Olympia many years ago as the state was considering an awareness campaign and helpline.
I cannot imagine how hard that struggle is for new mothers with addiction histories. All I can know is that it was too much for Stella.
Believe
Stella’s father and family are sucking for air under the weight of that truth today.
“She was such a happy child, always smiling,” he told me. “I cannot believe this happened to my baby.”
As parents, we must believe it can happen. We must talk to our kids early and often about substance use, abuse, and increasingly easy access and share other ways of coping with life’s challenges.
Perhaps, most importantly, our children need to hear there is no shame in depression or addiction — both are physical illnesses. They need to know that not taking that first drink, puff, or “recreational” pill is the only 100 percent way to prevent addiction. They need to know that if they do take that substance, and if addiction happens to them, there is help.
Finally, if you are a new or expectant mother who is also an addict, take seriously your higher risk of postpartum mood disorders. There is help for you, too. You’ll find it at Perinatal Support Washington.
