Seattle's Child

Your guide to a kid-friendly city

Close up of a hand touching a tablet, with Facebook likes and heart graphics surrounding the screen indicating social media use.

(Image: iStock)

The Screentime Consultant: What teens think of themselves IRL, vs online

"Some people think I am..., but really I am..."

Before I became The Screentime Consultant, I was a 7th grade English teacher. I loved teaching 7th graders, even if it was the second most challenging job I’ve ever had (parenting is the first).

A few weeks ago, I was invited to talk to students in four 7th grade English classes in our neighborhood public middle school about smartphones, social media, and what it’s like growing up today in such a tech-saturated world. Each class had over 35 students in it, which, other than the individual school-issued computers sitting on the desks, was the one of the biggest differences I noticed from my own dreamy smaller-class-size days. But I loved it.

The students were great. I love this age group. They are in such a formative stage of development as they navigate adolescence and figure out who they are. These students really listened, they asked great questions, and, I hope, they learned a few new things.

At the end of class, we did a writing prompt. It’s one I’ve used in the past and have always found it provides incredibly powerful insights into the minds of young people. I used to use it with my classes and then I’d post the anonymous responses on a bulletin board in the hallway– it would stop traffic as kids paused to read them and wonder.

The original prompt is: “Some people think I am _______, but really, I am ________.” Because my lesson this time focused on screens, teens, and social media, I amended it to this: “When I am online, people think I am _______, but in real life, I am ________.”

For the few students who didn’t spend much time online (and technically all students do because of their school-issued computers, but some don’t have or use social media, for example), I told them to use the prompt in their original form.

I want to share with you their responses because no matter how immature they act, how much attitude they have, or how much teen nastiness gets thrown our way, teens and tweens are still children.

Here are a few of the over one hundred responses I received:

  • When I’m online, people think I am happy, but really, I am depressed.
  • When I’m online, people think I am older, but really, I am younger.
  • When I’m online, people think I am nice, but really, I am mean.
  • When I’m online, people think I am quieter, but really, I am loud and funny around the right people.
  • When I’m online, people think I am a manageable adult, but really, I am a mindless teenager not knowing what I’m doing.
  • When I’m online, people think I am silly and annoying, but really, I am just curious.
  • When I’m online, people think I am bad, but really, I am good.
  • When I’m online, people think I am a calm person, but really, I am anxious.
  • When I’m online, people think I am anti-social, but really, I am taking a break from the outside world.
  • When I’m online, people think I am brave, but really, I am nervous.
  • When I’m online, people think I am an attention-seeker, but really, I am a caring person.
  • When I’m online, people think I try too hard, but really, I want to get better.
  • When I’m online, people think I am dumb, but really, I am smart.
  • When I’m online, people think I am weird, but really, I am just misunderstood.
  • When I’m online, people think I am outgoing and a risk-taker but really, I am shy and overthink things
  • When I’m online, people think I am relaxed, but really, I am anxious to be liked.
  • When I’m online, people think I am older, but really, I am vulnerable.
  • In all the noise about technology and social media and parenting and education, it’s important to come back to the shared purpose of (most of) our efforts: the kids themselves.
  • After all, teens are still children, still developing, and still in need of our guidance and support more than ever as they navigate their worlds– both online and offline.

This article is reposted with permission by Emily Cherkin, MEd., The Screentime Consultant. Emily’s book, “The Screentime Solution: A Judgment-Free Guide to Becoming a Tech-Intentional Family”, was released in 2024.

About the Author

Emily Cherkin

Emily empowers parents to understand and balance family screentime by inspiring a movement around becoming Tech-Intentional™. As a mother of two children and former teacher, she is intimately familiar with the daunting challenges facing families in today’s highly digitized world. Emily is the author of the book The Screentime Solution: A Judgment-Free Guide to Becoming a Tech-Intentional Family, released in 2024. Learn more at thescreentimeconsultant.com