Tips from a military mom for helping kids change schools

The Seattle Public Schools plan to close approximately 20 elementary schools in September 2025 will force thousands of Seattle kids to move to different schools. How can parents support this difficult change? If anyone knows how to help kids through the transition of changing schools, it’s military parents. My mom certainly did.

Between kindergarten and high school graduation, I attended nine schools from Washington to Europe and back again, with many ports in between. I and my three siblings weren’t alone. The average “military brat” changes schools between six and nine times.

While my dad’s job dictated where we went, my mom was the one who helped us face the challenge of each new school. Not that it was ever easy — leaving friends, teachers, or a building you love can be heartbreaking for kids and parents alike. I remember my sadness at leaving my 6th grade teacher, Mr. Cavanaugh, behind. One of the gentlest teachers I’d ever had. Mr. Cavanaugh had taken extra care to draw me out of my introverted bubble in class and make a connection, for the first time, between math and the real world.

But, as my mom believed, it can also be an adventure. By focusing our attention there, she redirected our thoughts away from fear and worry toward positivity and possibility.

From her view, change was just a possibility wrapped up in a little nervousness.

I used that same approach with my own children when each, for different reasons, had to move from beloved buildings.

Here’s what my mom and many other military parents taught me about changing schools:

Talk to your kids early and often. The list of Seattle schools to be closed and where students will go is still up in the air. But start talking to your kids now about the possibility of a school change. They need time to adjust to the idea, talk about it, and move from worry to excitement.
Help them embrace it as an adventure and do so yourself. Mom always talked up about how exciting a new school can be, the possibility of making new friends, the idea that new teachers bring new ideas, and the fact that each building holds surprises. Do the same.
Spend time together developing ways to stay connected to old friends. My mother always collected phone numbers and addresses (no emails or texts way back then) of my friends and teachers so I could write (letters!). And we did. Consider periodic playdates with friends from the previous school. But wait a month or so to allow your kids to connect with their new peers.
Get to know the school your kids are going to. Contact the school’s PTA members. Ask the office to connect you with other parents. Learn about the school’s unique features and programs and share them with your kids.
Check out the new playground. My mom knew that a kid’s social life centers on the playground. She took us to get the lay of the land on the new school’s playground on a Saturday and to peek through school windows, moving Big Change to Exciting Mystery.
Take a school tour. After the Saturday play and peek, Mom would take us on a school tour. Mystery solved. We’d visit teachers, the lunch room, the gym. Being familiar with the building before starting school allayed my fears of getting lost.
Help them feel safe bussing. I was bussed to almost every school I attended. As a young student, I got scared of each new bus. So my mom followed the bus the every first day of school. It made me feel safe. If your child is new to bussing, find your special way to boost their sense of security.
Ask these breakfast and dinner questions. Mom always asked us a question at breakfast: “What’s the surprise going to be?”At dinner: “What was the surprise today?” These questions allowed us to share school “newness” as a family, which made the experience feel less daunting.
Send them encouragement along the way. My mother put notes in my lunchbox almost every day through six elementary schools.