Back to school! It’s exciting and it’s actually a really stressful time for kids and for parents, too. So many new experiences, different behaviors and challenges.
What’s the new homework routine? Are other people’s kids crying before school? Ack, my teen is dating; how do I set boundaries?!
As parents we tend to fly on our own a lot, but social and community networks can be absolutely incredible for helping us answer questions, feel less alone and find the joy in parenting. Let’s talk about why, as a pediatrician, I recommend that you find and connect to networks for parents.
Why you need a support network
Let’s face it, navigating back-to-school time and changing routines can be a lot! Luckily there are many of us who are sailing the same seas. Parent-to-parent support, carpools, social groups and community networks foster a sense of community and shared experience, connect us to resources and help us be more resilient in times of stress.
Investing time and effort to build a network of support is part of healthy parenting. You might turn to your network for practical solutions, like what to do about heavy backpacks, but you will also likely find connection and maybe share a few laughs around the 15 pounds of books and supplies that your 50-pound child has deemed necessary. Support networks are super for:
- Getting information and recommendations. Friends, peers and support groups make it much easier to get information from people with relevant experience.
Maybe you need answers to random questions from your kids like ‘where can I learn the French horn.’ Yes, you can always Google your questions, but social and peer networks are often attuned to the local culture, school districts and experiences of families like yours. - Navigating school and other systems more effectively. Parent peer support is a great resource for everything from camp enrollment tips to finding child mental health counselors. Community organizations can help connect families to social services, health care or other resources.
- Finding a safe space for sharing. At times parenting can be isolating or exhausting. A social or community network can be a non-judgmental, safe place to vent, share triumphs and disappointments and bond over parenting.
- Forming friendships. How much social time do you actually get as a parent? If you have a network, you have some built-in connection, even if it’s just a group text about planning, or seeing other parents at a kids’ soccer game.
- Making logistics easier. Carpooling is truly a life-saver. Creating that network can be as simple as getting a few trusted parents’ numbers so you can text them if you can’t make a pickup.
- Taking care of your own mental health. 48% of parents reported that they are completely overwhelmed by stress according to U.S. Surgeon General. So, you are not alone. (If that’s you, also read my tips on coping with stress and burnout). Connecting to your networks can help you find hope and support from people who understand.
How do you find a parent network?
The best way I have found to start making connections is a happy hour or coffee with parents at the beginning of the school year. No need to host, just meet up some place local for a friendly hello and to get to know which parent goes with which child.
It can feel like work to find the right fit, but finding ways to plug into your community gives you another ongoing source of strength and support. There are lots of community engagement programs and formal peer parenting groups out there, from Parent Teacher Associations to PEPS to social service organization networks.
You can also look for parent-group social activities, like a parents’ night out, or specific topic groups like those for parents of a child with special needs. Think about how you’d most like to connect, what is your families’ specific need (information, connection, faith, social time) and test out what groups fit you best.
Sometimes building your network might need to be you-powered. That might seem like a leap, but you can start small by just reaching out for a park meetup with a few other parents and asking one of those who attends to organize the next one.
This summer after spending countless hours on the sideline at Ultimate Frisbee practice, four of us moms joined a summer beginners Ultimate league. It was such an unexpected fun shared thing that we never would have done if our kids were not frisbee fanatics.
Having a connection to peer parents, a community network, or a social group can help you feel more engaged and better supported. As parents, when you get the support you need, you’re in a better place to nurture and be more intentional about your parenting style and find more joy for yourself and your family.
