It’s not just teens and kids who are experiencing a mental health crisis right now. Parents are struggling too — so much that the U.S. Surgeon General released an advisory that parental stress is a significant public health issue. According to the advisory, 48% of parents recently reported that they are completely overwhelmed by stress. That statistic in itself is overwhelming! What’s going on, and how can we get relief?
Parents are stressed
Moms, dads and other caretakers need breaks, too — and doing that can make a difference for the whole family. Juggling packed schedules, managing your kid’s social media, more work hours and more hours spent on care don’t leave a lot of room to focus on yourself. But mental health typically doesn’t just impact an individual. When a parent is stressed, kids, spouses and partners get stressed too. Almost 40% of teens reported being at least “somewhat worried” about the mental health of at least one of their parents in a 2022 survey.
I’m not trying to put pressure on you to be less stressed! People, parents especially, sometimes want to appear strong, move the focus to their kids, or power through, but acknowledging you are burnt out is the start to making changes toward being less overwhelmed. Parents are caretakers but they should recognize that they need to care for themselves as well. “Simply put, caregivers need care, too,” the advisory warned.
We all experience stressful or sad times. But there is a difference between riding the ups and downs from the waves that life throws at you and having persistent anxiety or depression or feeling constantly overwhelmed. If you’re struggling, you are not alone, and there is help available. If you’re feeling pushed to the brink, take a pause, find support, and discuss your mental health with your health care team.
Parent burnout: tips for resetting
Leave the “culture of comparison” behind. What really matters is how your family is doing. Comparing yourself to others can leave you feeling behind and exhausted. Lower your expectations, putting less pressure on yourself and your kids, stepping away from ‘perfection.’ [LINK to https://www.seattleschild.com/tips-for-calming-back-to-school-anxiety-ask-the-pediatrician]
Talk openly about the stresses of parenting. Raising children is critically important to our society and it’s a tough job! Just getting together with other parents, friends or grandparents to talk about the stress of raising children can reduce that stress and reduce the pressure to get it all right all the time. Parents deserve an outlet.
Foster connections with others. In-person connection is great, but any kind of connection with others helps reduce isolation, loneliness and stress that lead to burnout. Bonding and knowing there are others there for support when you need it can make you more resilient and they can remind you to take care of yourself.
Take advantage of the sources of strength around you. When you’ve just had too much, or really any time, find what makes you feel supported. Ask grandparents to engage with your kids more, take neighbors up on car pool offers, or rely on your faith community. If you find you have the capacity, show up to be a source of strength to other parents when you see them struggling.
Parent burnout: care for yourself
Recognize that mental health matters. Children are attuned to their parents and rely on their healthy relationships with adults to grow. When a parent is stressed, their kid can become stressed, adding more to the parent’s stress, and so on. Taking a pause to acknowledge when you are struggling or need help can support your whole family.
Get professional help if you need it. If you need help with depression, anxiety, addiction and recovery, or other mental or emotional issues that interfere with your daily life, talk with your clinician about mental health counseling and services. Many health plans offer solutions that can work for a busy parent too like digital mental health and emotional wellness apps like Headspace and Calm, chats with a coach, and even virtual group therapy.
More from Dr. Block and Kaiser Permanente in Seattle’s Child:
- How team sports are good for kids’ physical and mental health
- Dr. Block’s tips for managing holiday stress and overload
- What is my kid’s poop telling me? Ask the Pediatrician
- How to help your child learn good time management
- What to know about online bullying and cyberthreats
