Seattle's Child

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Close up of a board game spoofing the Life game, with stops along the way like "Stop! Grow your family?" and "Baby" "Payday" "House" "Twins" and "Career".

(Image courtesy Seattle's Child)

Act II: Career changes after motherhood

How motherhood can inspire career shifts and personal reinvention

Call me a skeptic, but I had a moment of both longing and utter disbelief when I read this in ā€œDaring Greatly,ā€ BrenĆ© Brownā€™s best-selling book: ā€œItā€™s a terrible myth to believe that once we have children, our journey ends and theirs begins. For many of us, the most interesting and productive times in our lives come after we have children.ā€

Here in America, the broader narrative about careers post-motherhood focuses on the many policy shortcomings in politics and workplaces, as well as social norms which limit opportunities for women, families, and communities. But, Iā€™ve been wondering, could there be more to the story, as Brown suggests?

A time of change and creativity

ā€œThereā€™s this term called matrescence,ā€ says Seattle therapist Elizabeth Moore Simpson as she describes the physical, psychological, and emotional changes that characterize motherhood. ā€œWe refer to it as the mom equivalent of puberty. It accompanies a huge overhaul of oneā€™s identity.ā€ Simpson is Perinatal Support Washingtonā€™s Parental Resilience Program Manager.

This overhaul is built into womenā€™s biology. Elseline Hoekzema, a Dutch neuroscientist, found that early motherhood is a time of enormous neuroplasticity. The brainā€™s synapses reorder before and after giving birth to allow women to work with better efficiency, bond with their babies, and, crucially, transform their identities. The part of a womanā€™s brain that understands her sense of self is altered, so that a motherā€™s ā€œselfā€ expands to include her child. Might this time flexing a motherā€™s understanding of self also be a prime moment for broader reinvention? Not only in a womanā€™s family, but also in her work outside the home?

Anecdotally, we see evidence of life-changing, post-kids career shifts all around us. Patty Murray was a former preschool teacher and stay-at-home mom before she ran for public office, a career move that eventually led her to the U.S. Senate where she is now serving in her sixth term. And Ann Bergman, Seattleā€™s Child publisher, learned first-hand about a need for more information about local family activities and resources in Seattle after she became a parent. She founded the magazine in response to that problem.

If you are ready for a career change post motherhood; ready to write a ā€œsecond actā€ in your career, local experts have some helpful guidance.

Know your ‘Why’

ā€œPriorities, priorities, priorities.ā€

This is what Lora Poepping, recruiter, HR consultant, and president of Seattleā€™s Plum Coaching and Consulting, hears from clients pursuing a career pivot. Some want work that offers more flexibility or creates more financial security. Others found that having children was such a transformative experience that they wanted to pursue work that more closely aligned with their new values.

Seattleā€™s Karen Hui-Saechao, career coach and founder of Made for More Coaching, has worked with women emerging from domestic violence or with limited education, and has seen successful careers forged when clients get clear on the reasons behind wanting to make a change.

ā€œBecause once weā€™re able to name these whys and these purposes, then thereā€™s more of a motivation to do the work thatā€™s needed to get you there.ā€

Keep your knife sharp

Poepping stresses that itā€™s important to learn about trends and invest in skills specific to the industries or functions that youā€™re interested in.

ā€œParents will take time off. They do an amazing job taking leadership roles in school, volunteering in the community,ā€ she says. ā€œUnfortunately, they may not carry the same weight in terms of their value. In this crowded job market, employers look for professional work experience that is specific to the role they want to fill.ā€

In terms of practical advice, Hui-Saechao suggests, ā€œKeep up with the work industry of interest, hiring trends, the technology, and keep your LinkedIn updated.ā€ She also suggests taking advantage of free or low-cost continuing education websites like LinkedIn Learning, Udemy, Coursera, and YouTube.

Talk to someone who has the job you want

ā€œPeople will say to me, ā€˜Since I raised a lot of money for my school, I think I want to be in fundraising,ā€™ā€ says Poepping. Yet, she says, they havenā€™t ever spoken to anyone who actually works in development.

Years ago, I thought Iā€™d found my dream job in youth services at a public library. After having kids, I thought working in a school library might better fit my familyā€™s schedule. So I asked to chat with the librarian at my sonā€™s school, only to discover that the job was less like being a librarian in a school (my assumption), and more like being a teacher in a library (not for me!). That information was priceless, and I got it by speaking to a professional in the field.

Cultivate your community

You might be thinking, but I donā€™t know anyone to talk to. Youā€™re not alone. Poepping once had a client who said, ā€œā€˜Iā€™ve stayed home with my kids. I have zero network.ā€™ā€

Poepping responded, ā€œDo you go to soccer?” She pointed out that the moms and dads waiting on the sidelines have careers, interests, and know other professionals. And, says Poepping, never underestimate how willing people are to help.

ā€œThey want to support you!ā€ But, says Poepping, there is a right way to ask.

Donā€™t sell yourself

Thereā€™s also a wrong way. For example, the only time Iā€™ve ever been ignored when trying to collect about career information was when I started an email request describing my work experience and what I wanted. That was the wrong approach.

Instead, Poepping encourages job seekers to adopt a listen first mindset. Demonstrate curiosity, ask for their insights about the future of a certain industry or role, pose good questions. Then, youā€™ll find that your connections will likely be curious about you and ask for details about your job search.

Once people feel they have been given an opportunity to share their story, that allows them to hear yours. ā€œWhatā€™s so great about listening is theyā€™ve already told you whatā€™s important to them,ā€ says Poepping. So when itā€™s your turn to speak, youā€™re in a position to share how youā€™ve solved similar problems, or handled specifics related to the topics theyā€™ve covered.ā€

Read More: People who’ve made the jump

  • Woman sits in a kid's classroom with an elementary school kid posed next to her.
    Having a child with autism, changed Alexis Whiteā€™s trajectory. (Image: Joshua Hutson)

From cosmetics to the classroom | Three years ago, this Seattle-based mom was matching customers with the right makeup colors and teaching them to master their eyeliner technique. Having a child with autism, however, changed Whiteā€™s trajectory. She decided in 2022 that she needed a career change post motherhood. Today sheā€™s doing just that as an instructional assistant at Stevens Elementary in Seattle.

Flexing at Lions and Tigers | After giving birth to her son, Brea Starmer wanted to work at a different pace even as she craved the challenging, high-level projects that had built her consulting career. So she hired a part-time nanny and signed a part-time consulting contract rather than return to full-time work. Her career change post motherhood led to being the CEO of Lions & Tigers, a flexible consulting firm offering high-level expertise with part-time, remote work for parents.

Dads make career changes, too | Fourteen years ago, Nick Nordbergā€™s circumstances would have been the makings of a mid-life crisis. His then-wife had given birth to twins at 24 weeks, one of whom had spina bifida and required extensive in-home care. Shortly after, the couple filed for divorce, making Nordberg a single parent. Instead of letting his situation weigh him down, Nordberg, a Puyallup resident, turned his circumstances into a mid-life opportunity.

From reporter to birth worker | In walking away from daily news, reporter Cheryl Murfin walked right into an identity crisis. By the time her second child was two years old, it was clear that she not only needed to return to work but she also needed a new work identity, one aligned with her newish motherform. Strangely, she found a career change post-motherhood in the birth experience itself.

Redefining her path | Wendy Wongā€™s big career change was actually before, not after, motherhood. In the months leading up to the birth of her first child, Wong started working full-time onĀ JuneAdaptive.com, a clothing business connecting people with disabilities with comfortable, easy-to-don threads.

About the Author

Charlene Dy

Charlene Dy writes about kids and the people who love them. A Manila-born Chinese-Canadian, she now lives with her family on the Eastside, where she is definitely that mom chatting you up on the playground.