Editor’s Note: With the news of a mass shooting at Seattle Center this weekend, kids are likely to be on edge. They may have hard questions. Below we share input from Kristen Ellingboe, former communications manager at the Alliance for Gun Responsibility, and Dr. Suzanna Block, a Seattle pediatrician and columnist. We hope it will help as you as you talk to our kids about gun violence and practical ways our community can prevent future shootings.
When elementary school-aged kids ask questions about the recent shootings, how should parents respond?
Kristen Ellingboe: Parents should have an honest conversation with their children about mass shootings. It is better to have an informed, supportive discussion in a safe place than to let children put the pieces together themselves based on what they are hearing secondhand. Parents should say that we have a problem with guns in our country, but that we are working to fix the problem and that nothing is more important than keeping kids safe.
It is also important to remind children that mass shootings account for a very small fraction of gun deaths in our country. Children should never, ever touch guns and should immediately find a grown-up if they find one or if another child tries to show them one.
Dr. Suzanna Block: Help them feel safe. Children want to know that they are safe and their families are, too. Remind them of the ways they are safe and the measures that help keep them safe like adults at school watching out for them. This doesn’t mean downplaying their fears or concerns but addressing them and helping them cope with distressing thoughts.
How should we approach different ages in our conversations?
Dr. Block: Explain the news to them in an age-appropriate way. Gauge your kids’ prior knowledge, questions, and concerns, and consider your child’s age, temperament, and sensitivity when discussing difficult events. For most kids, I recommend meeting them with straight answers and emotional support. You don’t have to have all the answers, provide information they aren’t asking about, or even give a lot of detail, especially with younger kids. Ask them what they already know and what questions they have. You can explore answers and information sources together.
What if they are panicking or feeling fearful?
Dr. Block: Validate their feelings. Acknowledge what your kids are feeling and what they’ve said to you. You can use validating phrases like “I feel that way too” or “That really makes sense to me.” Let your kids know that it’s completely normal to be curious, confused, and even upset about current events. Sometimes kids may have reactions like seeming uncaring or a morbid fascination. These can be ways children work through their feelings.
You can also validate feelings by giving your children a hug or giving them the space they might need to think and process. It can be hard for children to express themselves, and you can help them find their words through conversation and books, or for older children, journaling.
How can parents keep their kids safe? Should we be afraid?
Ellingboe: We should be angry. Our children are needlessly put at risk because lawmakers refuse to act. We can keep our kids safe by ensuring they don’t have access to guns — that means securely storing any firearms in the home, asking questions about firearms at friends’ and family members’ homes, and talking to your children about the danger of firearms. We also keep our kids safe by electing gun-violence-prevention champions, demanding that our leaders take action, and supporting the organizations calling for an end to this epidemic.
Dr. Block: We need to foster open conversations. Ask your kids how they are feeling and offer the information they’re asking for. Children are in the process of developing their moral beliefs, and “big talks” might come up. You may have to explain the basics of prejudice, civil and religious strife or military conflict. It’s OK to say that you don’t know why bad things happen: You’re recognizing that these are hard topics.
If you see someone post something online and worry that they might commit an act of violence, what should you do?
Ellingboe: Reach out to them or to a family member or friend. Extreme Risk Protection Orders are a valuable tool that allow family members, household members and law enforcement to temporarily restrict access to firearms from people who pose a risk of harming themselves or others. In the 2019 session, the Washington Legislature passed a bill clarifying the law’s application to minors. More information about ERPOs can be found here.
What gun-violence-prevention policies might make a difference in preventing events like shootings?
Ellingboe: In Washington state, parents should support evidence-based policies like restricting access to high-capacity magazines, which make mass shootings more deadly. Washingtonians should also advocate for strong policies we currently have in place in our state — like expanded background checks, Extreme Risk Protection Orders, and restrictions on semi-automatic assault rifles — at the federal level. For a list of gun control agenda items, go to the Alliance for Gun Responsibility website.
Why are firearms the second leading cause of fatal injury for children?
Ellingboe: The simplest answer is easy access to firearms. Across the country, eight children a day are unintentionally killed or wounded by an unsecured firearm in their home. Securely storing firearms out of reach of children, can help prevent tragedies like unintentional shootings and firearm suicides.
Check out Dr. Block’s column “Talking to kids about gun violence.”
** Seattle’s Child staff contributed to this article.
