Call me a skeptic, but I had a moment of both longing and utter disbelief when I read this in “Daring Greatly,” Brené Brown’s best-selling book: “It’s a terrible myth to believe that once we have children, our journey ends and theirs begins. For many of us, the most interesting and productive times in our lives come after we have children.”
Here in America, the broader narrative about careers post-motherhood focuses on the many policy shortcomings in politics and workplaces, as well as social norms which limit opportunities for women, families, and communities. But, I’ve been wondering, could there be more to the story, as Brown suggests?
A time of change and creativity
“There’s this term called matrescence,” says Seattle therapist Elizabeth Moore Simpson as she describes the physical, psychological, and emotional changes that characterize motherhood. “We refer to it as the mom equivalent of puberty. It accompanies a huge overhaul of one’s identity.” Simpson is Perinatal Support Washington’s Parental Resilience Program Manager.
This overhaul is built into women’s biology. Elseline Hoekzema, a Dutch neuroscientist, found that early motherhood is a time of enormous neuroplasticity. The brain’s synapses reorder before and after giving birth to allow women to work with better efficiency, bond with their babies, and, crucially, transform their identities. The part of a woman’s brain that understands her sense of self is altered, so that a mother’s “self” expands to include her child.
Might this time flexing a mother’s understanding of self also be a prime moment for broader reinvention? Not only in a woman’s family, but also in her work outside the home?
Anecdotally, we see evidence of life-changing, post-kids career shifts all around us. Patty Murray was a former preschool teacher and stay-at-home mom before she ran for public office, a career move that eventually led her to the U.S. Senate where she is now serving in her sixth term. And Ann Bergman, Seattle’s Child publisher, learned first-hand about a need for more information about local family activities and resources in Seattle after she became a parent. She founded the magazine in response to that problem.
If you are a mom ready to write a “second act” in your career, local experts have some helpful guidance.
Know your why
“Priorities, priorities, priorities.”
This is what Lora Poepping, recruiter, HR consultant, and president of Seattle’s Plum Coaching and Consulting, hears from clients pursuing a career pivot.
Some want work that offers more flexibility or creates more financial security. Others found that having children was such a transformative experience that they wanted to pursue work that more closely aligned with their new values.
Seattle’s Karen Hui-Saechao, career coach and founder of Made for More Coaching, has worked with women emerging from domestic violence or with limited education, and has seen successful careers forged when clients get clear on the reasons behind wanting to make a change.
“Because once we’re able to name these whys and these purposes, then there’s more of a motivation to do the work that’s needed to get you there.”
Keep Your Knife Sharp
Poepping stresses that it’s important to learn about trends and invest in skills specific to the industries or functions that you’re interested in.
“Parents will take time off. They do an amazing job taking leadership roles in school, volunteering in the community,” she says. “Unfortunately, they may not carry the same weight in terms of their value. In this crowded job market, employers look for professional work experience that is specific to the role they want to fill.”
In terms of practical advice, Hui-Saechao suggests, “Keep up with the work industry of interest, hiring trends, the technology, and keep your LinkedIn updated.”
She also suggests taking advantage of free or low-cost continuing education websites like LinkedIn Learning, Udemy, Coursera, and YouTube.
Talk to someone who has the job you want
“People will say to me, ‘Since I raised a lot of money for my school, I think I want to be in fundraising,’” says Poepping. Yet, she says, they haven’t ever spoken to anyone who actually works in development.
Years ago, I thought I’d found my dream job in youth services at a public library. After having kids, I thought working in a school library might better fit my family’s schedule. So I asked to chat with the librarian at my son’s school, only to discover that the job was less like being a librarian in a school (my assumption), and more like being a teacher in a library (not for me!).
That information was priceless, and I got it by speaking to a professional in the field.
Cultivate your community
You might be thinking, but I don’t know anyone to talk to. You’re not alone. Poepping once had a client who said, “‘I’ve stayed home with my kids. I have zero network.’”
Poepping responded, “Do you go to soccer?”
She pointed out that the moms and dads waiting on the sidelines have careers, interests, and know other professionals. And, says Poepping, never underestimate how willing people are to help.
“They want to support you!”
But, says Poepping, there is a right way to ask.
Don’t sell yourself
There’s also a wrong way. For example, the only time I’ve ever been ignored when trying to collect about career information was when I started an email request describing my work experience and what I wanted. That was the wrong approach.
Instead, Poepping encourages job seekers to adopt a listen first mindset. Demonstrate curiosity, ask for their insights about the future of a certain industry or role, pose good questions. Then, you’ll find that your connections will likely be curious about you and ask for details about your job search.
Once people feel they have been given an opportunity to share their story, that allows them to hear yours.
“What’s so great about listening is they’ve already told you what’s important to them,” says Poepping. So when it’s your turn to speak, you’re in a position to share how you’ve solved similar problems, or handled specifics related to the topics they’ve covered.”
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